Aries: I hope I didn’t brain my damage

Taurus: Trying is the first step towards failure

Gemini: WHY MUST I HAVE 3 KIDS AND NO MONEY, WHY CAN’T I HAVE NO KIDS AND 3 MONEY

Cancer: How do you say Taco in Mexican

Leo: D’oh!

Virgo: I’d be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

Libra: TO ALCOHOL, THE CAUSE AND SOLUTION TO ALL OF LIFE’S PROBLEMS

Scorpio: Teens can’t control their urges, that’s why there’s never been a teenage president!

Sagittarius: All my life I’ve had one dream- to achieve my many goals

Capricorn: If at first you don’t succeed then give up

Aquarius: Homer no function beer well without

Pisces: It’s a meeting for gay witches for abortion. You wouldn’t be interested.